


until i see you again

by kurtasoul



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, shingeki no kyojin manga
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Foreshadowing, Getting Together, Love Confessions, Sort Of, jean and connie best wingmen, manga spoilers i guess??, niccolo analysis and pov, niccolo is whipped for sasha, sasha and niccolo make me cry, takes place right before the invade on marley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29891775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurtasoul/pseuds/kurtasoul
Summary: Niccolo couldn’t explain it. He couldn’t accept his feelings for her at first. They were strong, way stronger than he had ever felt for anyone or anything in his entire life. She was an eldian soldier; risking her life on the daily and making it back before dinner. They could never be together the way he wanted, the way he dreamt about. But he would lay awake at night, the moonlight streaming in through his window and casting light on the empty space in his bed he wished was occupied by her. He felt a dam break in his chest whenever she lit up at the food he presented her, turning away quickly enough she couldn’t catch his face going through the five million stages of love sickness. It was too much. And yet...in the midst of a brewing war, sasha and niccolo find peace(or: sasha and niccolo say goodbye)
Relationships: Sasha Blouse/Niccolo
Comments: 10
Kudos: 61





	until i see you again

**Author's Note:**

> hello and welcome to the sasha/niccolo angst club
> 
> (this takes place right before the scouts leave to invade marley after eren)
> 
> warnings for minor manga spoilers and just a lot of talk about the war against marley and niccolo trying to understand
> 
> enjoy! <3

Over the years he’d been on Paradis, he’d watched total strangers — his initial _enemies_ , or so he was told — become people he saw on a regular basis, and enjoyed the loud chatter and presence of. He served them food almost every other day, heard more than he probably should have during their ear-splitting conversations and arguments while they ate. They were _annoying_ , but Niccolo found comfort in their arrival and the big wave and greeting he would always get from them without fail. 

He didn’t understand it. The divide between Marley and Eldia was something he lost sleep over for multiple nights during his earlier days staying on Paradis. He would wake up with splitting headaches from worry, forcing Niccolo to plant himself in front of the very people that instilled the fear of god in him each day and make them food. 

He wasn’t sure when it clicked, that his life up until now was an absolute joke. That everything he was spoon fed his entire existence and had drilled into his brain was a hateful and embarrassing hoax. The truth is a hard pill to swallow, and he struggles with it even now, as he is surrounded by the people he was conditioned his whole life to despise. 

It might have been when he laughed the first time while in their kitchen. It might have been when he started tolerating the company of those obnoxious eldian soldiers. 

It might have been when he became utterly whipped for that ravenous brunette. 

Though Niccolo knows all too well that life has a way of breaking you in the end. Those very same rambunctious soldiers drew in on themselves, protecting their heads and their hearts from the next curveball this unforgiving world threw at them. War and fear and hate drew in, relationships and trust broken on a speed-run, and those strangers he was so familiar with became even farther away.

Sasha was a constant. Everyday without fail she would waltz in, sometimes doubling over from how hungry she was. He had never met someone so obsessed with food, _his_ food. The barstool was always occupied with her hyperactive body and incessant chatter. More often than not Connie or Jean would accompany her, eating their own fair share of food and then waiting for Sasha to be satisfied. 

There were some days where Sasha would stay after her food was long gone, picking his brain about anything and everything. She asked him what else he liked to do, how he became such a talented chef, if she annoys him. She liked to carve little faces into the countertop for him to find later. It made Niccolo blush and mutter under his breath, then later resulting in him double checking that she wasn’t stealing his knives. 

There were some days Niccolo was too tired or too starstruck to respond, so Sasha simply sat and watched him clean up with hunched shoulders. 

Niccolo couldn’t explain it. He couldn’t accept his feelings for her at first. They were strong, way stronger than he had ever felt for anyone or anything in his entire life. She was an eldian soldier; risking her life on the daily and making it back before dinner. They could never be together the way he wanted, the way he dreamt about. But he would lay awake at night, the moonlight streaming in through his window and casting light on the empty space in his bed he wished was occupied by her. He felt a dam break in his chest whenever she lit up at the food he presented her, turning away quickly enough she couldn’t catch his face going through the five million stages of love sickness. It was too much. And yet...

Sasha was a constant. But even the happiest and care-free of them all wasn’t immune to the hardships of war.

Niccolo had watched her shift right in front of his eyes. Her ever present grin had leveled out, and her normally big glassy irises became hardened from seeing and knowing things he couldn’t dare imagine. She was quieter, too. Sasha’s laugh used to pierce the air whenever she went, alerting everyone of her arrival whether they were ready for her or not. And her idle conversation wasn’t as frequent. She spoke more delicately, urgently, like she needed to get the words out before they could leave her thoughts. 

Despite all this, she was still the girl he fell for at first sight — or first lunch. She still looked at him like he hung the moon, like he personally invented seafood in his backyard. Sasha was still Sasha, still as desperate for food as if it were oxygen; still going out of her way to make sure any silence between comrades was never a negative one. If he hadn’t fallen for her in that moment, it would’ve definitely been the next day, or the day after that.

Her words of praise kept his head above water. She saw things in him he couldn’t see in himself even if he tried. He wanted to hold her against him where no one could see, and tell her all the amazing things Niccolo saw in that pure soul. 

He had his fears, his reservations, but it had never felt wrong. He had never once doubted the overwhelming emotions he felt towards the girl who ate a whole lobster in under a minute. 

Niccolo is convinced that he was destined to be completely head-over-heels in love with Sasha Blouse. 

His hands fisted the apron around his waist as he watched the Scout Regiment solemnly parade towards the port. Their newly designed jet black uniforms adorned their bodies, masking them as ominous shadows moving in the daylight. As if rehearsed, the whole pack stopped as one and dropped the upgraded ODM gear they had been holding and began strapping it into place on themselves. Niccolo’s lips pressed into a firm line as his eyes darted back and forth, seeking out his loudmouth brunette amongst the sea of soldiers. 

A loud cry of pain sounded from his left, leading Niccolo’s eyes right to where he wanted them to go. 

“Jesus Sasha, you trying to cinch yourself, or what?”

“Huh? I think mine's broken…”

“It’s not broken, dumbass! You think you’d know how to do this by now. Give it to me –“

“Hey wait – _Ow!_ ”

Niccolo straightened up and started towards the gaggle of imbeciles strangling each other with their maneuver gear. He hovered near the edge as he watched Connie struggle to pull Sasha’s straps through the buckle, Jean staying out of it and finishing adjusting his own gear into place. Once it was fit to his liking, Jean looked up and caught Niccolo’s eyes over Connie’s restless shoulder.

Jean’s face split into a shit-eating grin and waved him down. “Hey, Niccolo!” 

Niccolo winced at the deliberate call out. He didn’t want to draw too much attention to himself, he technically wasn’t supposed to be in the plaza while on the clock, or ever really. Niccolo hesitantly raised a hand as Sasha and Connie halted in their tussle. At some point the two of them had wrapped each other up in a mirroring headlock, both hunched over at the waist. Connie’s eyes widened at the sight of Niccolo and yanked Sasha upright. She let out a noise of indignation and then squawked when her and Niccolo’s eyes met.

Sasha pushed Connie off of her and stumbled closer to the chef with a wobbly smile. “Niccolo! I…” She pivoted to the left and surveyed the area before turning back and cocking her head. “What are you doing here?”

Niccolo chose to ignore Connie’s groan from behind Sasha and steeled himself in front of her. He took in her sleek uniform fitted from head to toe. Her lithe body looked like it was crafted into the black material; years and years of ruthless training turning her into a nimble soldier and unwavering assassin. If he didn’t know her personality so well he would’ve been intimidated by her. Maybe he still is. 

The new uniforms were quite a shock the first time Niccolo laid his eyes on them. Seeing them up close again now reminded him of where they are going. What Sasha will be doing. 

Niccolo was going to be sick.

He swallowed and gave a quick glance to Connie and Jean hovering behind their brunette. Connie tilted his head and looked to Jean, who gave the smallest of grins before grabbing Connie by the back of his collar.

“Hey—“

“I think we’re done here,” Jean interjected. “We’re gonna check in with the others. See you, Niccolo.” He smirked and proceeded to drag Connie in the direction of the rest of the scouts. 

Sasha barely gave them a second glance as she was still fixed on Niccolo’s sudden appearance. She smiled warmly at him and shifted closer into his space, leaving only a couple inches between them. His lips parted slightly as he stared at her, still having not answered her question from earlier.

“Why so red, Niccolo? It’s not that hot!” 

“Wha –“ Niccolo slapped a hand to his face to find it burning beneath his shaky fingertips. He only just got here and was already crumbling in front of her.

_For fucks sake._

“I came to see you off,” he blurted out. 

Sasha blinked, raising a slim finger to limply tap her chin. “For real? I thought you were working!”

“Yeah, well.” Niccolo pressed his lips together and glanced behind him quickly. “I think they can manage without me for a while.” He decided not to mention that he snuck out mid egg boil.

Niccolo wasn’t planning on coming to see her off. He wanted to grab her the day before — or anytime really — and talk to her then. But he couldn’t find a moment's rest to slink away, and Sasha and the Scouts were up to their necks in preparation for today. He had started to panic as he clutched an egg just a smidge too hard, realizing that he might not get a chance to speak with her before she departed. Niccolo left no room for internal debate as he tossed eggs into the pot and whisked out the back door.

He knew it wasn’t ideal. Niccolo should not like her as much as he does, _feel_ so much for her the way he does. There is no realistic future where they could be happy together, no life where they could exist to the fullest. 

That doesn’t stop him from wanting.

Sasha’s giggle brought him back from his thoughts, her leather clad arms moving to lock behind her back.

“And also,” he spouted before he could psych himself out. “I...wanted to thank you.”

Sasha hummed and batted her eyelashes, confusion etched on her delicate face.

“Thank me for what?”

“For…” Niccolo started.

 _Saving me. Being yourself. The only good thing in my life. Believing in me._

“J-just,” he stammered, unsure shaky hands rising up in front of him. “Um, everything? Actually, maybe I should just —“

Niccolo sucked in a breath as he felt soft hands glide against his sides. Sasha’s strong arms found themselves around his middle, grounding him to her. Niccolo’s own scarred hands clumsily gripped the tight material of her uniform, and he wished there was more for him to secure onto. His face tucked itself into the side of her neck, relishing in this closeness he hadn’t felt in god knows how long. Sasha’s nimble fingertips dragged along the back of his cotton shirt, soothing the heartache that reached every ounce of his body.

They stood there intertwined for what felt like an eternity, and Niccolo was content to stay like this for the rest of his life. He could feel her steady heart beating against his chest, a consistent rhythm calming his nerves. 

He should feel more remorse. He should be terrified. They were all boarding a blimp to go ambush and massacre his homeland, to kill people he knew and cooked for his whole life. But he found himself more terrified for her, his hands shaking restlessly against her. 

Niccolo’s grip tightened on the soldiers back, absorbing every ounce of her glow and kindness as he could. He felt like he was melting, almost synonymous with the cheese stew he made for her more times than he could count. 

The blonde pushed his nose into Sasha’s temple, his mouth falling open in a silent cry.

“When you get back,” he rasped out. His voice felt wrong after the silence, but also felt right as this is the only place and person he cares about right now. “I want to cook for you everyday. I’ll make you whatever you want, it could be a five course meal for all I care.” He took a deep breath and pressed his palms flat against her back. “But I don’t want to just cook for you. I-I don’t know why but I want to be near you every second of the day. You’re with me so much but as soon as you leave all I think about is the next time I’ll see you and what you’ll say or ask and your smile and the faces you make when I talk to you and give you food and I - I don’t know I just…” Niccolo squeezed his eyes shut at his embarrassing rambling, but doesn’t regret a single thing he said to her. He wasn’t sure what had possessed him to dump all this on her so suddenly, but if he didn’t tell her now he might never work up the courage again. 

“I want to be with you all the time,” he finally admitted, his trembling lips brushing against her hairline. He feels like he said too much but also said too little. How does he even begin to properly express how infatuated he is with the girl who showed him his actual potential? Who showed him he was more than just some Marleyan POW subjected to constant pain and ridiculous expectations for the rest of his life? 

Sasha was eerily quiet the entirety of Niccolo’s confession. She finally let out a sweet hum and slid her hands up the back of his neck to grip his blonde locks. Niccolo held back a shiver and pulled her closer against him. 

“That sounds amazing,” she said dreamily. If Niccolo didn’t know any better, he would say Sasha started to sway in his arms. 

“Cooking whatever I want, being around you…” Sasha suddenly pulled back from her spot nestled on his shoulder to look him in the eyes. Her big brown orbs glittered in a way he hadn’t seen before. “You’re such a romantic, Niccolo! My heart beats for you, I swoon! No, I might faint!”

Niccolo spluttered as Sasha threw her head back and laughed, her excitement ringing around the area. 

“Well I’m just telling you the truth!” He untangled himself from his hold on her and grasped her wrists between his hands. She continued giggling as she looked at her slim wrists caught between his calloused fingers. Sasha tilted her head and closed her eyes, seeming to bask in these few final moments of calm before the storm she was throwing herself into. 

“You really like me that much?” She murmured softly, her eyes still closed against the harsh sunlight. “Even though I eat like a pig? I just love your food so badly, you know…” 

“I – !” He started in a panic. Niccolo bowed his head and cursed his overactive brain. “I didn’t mean that.”

Sasha smiled sweetly, eyes fluttering but remaining closed. She brought her hands still encased by Niccolo’s fingers up to his face. His breath hitched as she gently placed the pads of her fingertips against his cheekbones, smoothing out the skin there with the lightest of touches. Niccolo’s mouth dropped open slightly, but he remained quiet and let this ridiculous woman stroke his face like it was the last time she was seeing it. 

They were standing in the midst of dozens of soldiers, all milling about preparing to risk their lives. Yet they stood in their own bubble, almost immune to the goings on around them. Niccolo almost wanted to cry. 

“Who would have thought,” Sasha started brightly. “You’d be so smitten with the ravenous eldian girl!” Her lids finally opened, revealing her hardened eyes that worked a twinkle into them. Her fingers stopped their movement on his face as her hands slid effortlessly down to rest on his firm shoulders, thumbing the flyaway threads of his apron. 

“You know,” she said slowly. “l think you’re really talented.” Sasha’s eyes bore into his skull, seeming to grow in size the more she spoke. “The moments I spend with you while you cook and give me so much amazing food are… some of my favorites. Like, _ever._ ” 

Niccolo’s hands shook where they still nestled on her wrists, but nodded along urging her to continue. 

“And you’re so kind to me, even though – “ She scrunched her face up before shaking her head. A bittersweet smile slid onto her face. 

“I think about those moments when I can’t sleep, or when I’m feeling homesick and miss the familiarity of stuffing my face back at home or during our training days. They gave me food restrictions, by the way.” 

Niccolo smirked a little, imagining younger Sasha being reprimanded for being too gluttonous when there wasn’t enough food to go around. He was hanging onto her every word, eager to hear all she had to say before she was swept away into the sky. 

“And like, um.” Sasha blinked, trying to squeeze out her embarrassing wording. “I loved those moments. _So much._ But I also loved when it was the two of us just, like, existing? Like how we are right now.” 

A short breath puffed out of Niccolo’s lips, his face heating up again quicker than he would have liked. 

“I loved those too,” he forced out truthfully. He can’t believe how vulnerable he had become since knowing her, who even was he at this point?

For the first time during their conversation, Sasha’s eyes became glassy while she stared at him. Her lower lip quivered but she bit it to keep herself together. There was a pregnant pause between them as they mulled over everything they just exchanged.

“I wish we had more,” Sasha said finally, her voice hoarse with emotion. 

Niccolo inhaled deeply through his nose as he stared into her eyes, the weight on his heart feeling like two-hundred pounds. He had never wanted to be near a person more in his entire life, and she was so close but yet just out of his grasp. She was here in his arms right now, but if he lets go he’s afraid it’ll all be a dream and she won’t ever look at him so tenderly again – won’t ever taste his food again, or make comments that make it almost impossible to breathe with how he tries to hold in his laughter. 

She made his dull existence so, so much brighter.

Niccolo suddenly lifted his own hand to Sasha’s toned face, his palm hovering over the fullness of her red cheek. 

His wobbly lips found their way into a sweet smile. “Well, we’ll just have to make more –“

“Holy shit, are you two done sucking face yet?”

Sasha and Niccolo both tensed and snapped their necks to the familiar call to their left. Connie stood there looking exhausted, but a sly grin was present on his face with a thin eyebrow raised high on his head. He was geared up fully now, his stocky form painted in shiny midnight and metal. At his feet rested a messengers bag almost bursting at the seams, no doubt holding the disguises they were going to masquerade around Marley in over their gear. 

“If not then hurry up, we’re burning daylight —!”

“Connie, can you shut up? They are literally five feet away, my _ears_ —“ Jean threw in curtly, swinging his own bag of clothes onto his shoulder. 

“Huh? _You_ shut up pencildick, she’s not even fully dressed yet!”

“You were the one trying to fix her gear and then bailed, so really this is your fault.”

“ _Me?_ ”

Jean smirked and threw Connie into a headlock over his bent knee as a response. The shorter soldier let out a yell of surprise before laughing and trying to worm his way out of the loose hold. Sasha watched them with a serene smile on her delicate features before turning her attention back to the boy in front of her.

“I guess that’s my cue,” she spoke softly. 

Sasha started to hesitantly detangle her limbs from Niccolo’s, but his hand shot out and grabbed her wrist again before she could slink off.

“W-wait,” Niccolo stammered. He shoved his free hand into his apron pocket and wrapped his fingers around the loot inside. With shaky fingers, Niccolo pulled it out and clasped it in Sasha’s soft hands. She blinked at him and then opened her hands to reveal the small, metallic covered sphere inside her grasp.

“Is this _food?_ ” Sasha balked, cutting right to the chase.

“It’s chocolate,” Niccolo stated. “I don’t know if you’ve ever had it before, but I thought it might be...a good parting gift?” He finished unsurely. 

Sasha’s eyes bugged at the new delicacy in her palm, her eyes welling with tears that Niccolo wasn’t sure were from emotion or her unwavering desire to eat everything in sight.

“I want to eat this right now,” she said shakily. Her long fingers wrapped around the sweet and brought it to her side. She stood up straight, her watery eyes not matching the poised stature she just drew herself into.

“But I won’t,” she said defiantly, her head tilted to the sky. She raised her hand encasing the chocolate and shook her fist at the food god in the clouds. “I will wait to eat this even though I’m dying inside! Oh god, this is torture.”

Niccolo laughed at her despair. “Just eat it when you take off.”

Sasha blinked away her food induced tears and rubbed her eyes, her lips drawing into a sad smile. She opened her mouth to speak again when a loud horn followed by a booming voice cut her off.

“ _Scouts, finish up! We move out in ten!_ ”

A resounding affirmation came from all the Scouts piled in the plaza. Niccolo and Sasha hesitantly turned towards one another, wanting to embrace again, but knowing if they did he’d never let her go. 

Sasha smiled at him one last time, the glitter in her eyes making him feel so high above everyone else. Nimble fingers he so desperately wanted to hold again reached up and tucked a piece of brown locks behind her ear. She started walking backwards, her gaze not leaving his.

“See you when I get back?” Sasha sang out.

“I’ll be here,” he gave back dumbly.

The brunette flashed a quick wink before turning on her heel and running off. He stood limp and watched her go, the words they exchanged being the only thing keeping him afloat until she got back. 

Niccolo knew he was being dramatic. They would be back in less than two days. The dull ache in his heart knew this, but he spilled his guts out to her and felt her body against his and now she has to leave. He placed his hand on the cheek she had stroked, feeling the skin beneath it start to burn again. Niccolo was in too deep.

Though he kept watching her, as she hastily suited up completely while Connie jabbed her jokingly in the side, no question pestering her about what she and Niccolo had talked about. He kept watching her as he started slowly walking in the direction of the restaurant, his feet feeling like blocks of cement. He kept watching her as she basked in the beaming sunlight, her tall stature looking even leaner and almost regal from the distance.

He watched her as his own frown slowly slid into a smile. The wishes and things they wanted to do when she got back ringing in his ears, almost blaring in intensity because of how badly he wanted to live that life with her. He wanted to reach out again, pulling her back and begging for her to not go and let them start that life they talked about right now. 

Niccolo kept watching her as he started to feel okay, started to get excited as what they told each other began to sink in. He’ll be here when she gets back, dinner prepped and ready to be served and whatever else she asks him to make. He’ll be here to grab her hand in his own that will be shaking with tremors, guiding her to him as she laughs and he blushes uncontrollably. 

He was about to turn away, smile set and mind finally at ease, when he heard his favorite voice yelling across the quad.

“ _Bye Niccolo!_ ” 

Niccolo blinked as he saw Sasha waving sporadically at him, her smile not faltering as Connie blew him a kiss and waved back. Jean rolled his eyes but inclined his head in lieu of a farewell, then wrapped his arms around Sasha and Connie and hauled them towards the blimp ramp. Sasha gave him a thumbs up. Her smile was sweet but solemn, giving away that she wished she was leaving under different circumstances — or not at all. 

But he just smiled right back and gave a wave as her body disappeared inside the large aircraft. 

He took a deep breath and exhaled, finally turning and starting the walk back to the restaurant. 

_I loved those moments. So much. But I also loved when it was the two of us just, like, existing? Like how we are right now._

Niccolo took those words and tucked them away, letting it play on repeat in his head and in his heart until he saw her face again.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you all so much for reading <3 another unbetad work but ya know what we have no fears. sasha and niccolo deserve better and make my heart hurt so bad
> 
> if you want to follow along my twitter is @sanemis_ohagi :3 thanks again for reading!! <3
> 
> (also i have no idea if they've had chocolate before but they had never had ice cream so i rolled with it LMAOO)


End file.
